I have spent some time today writing. People say that everyone has a book inside of them and mine is called “How to succeed after a Divorce.” After going through two failed marriages and divorces, where I suffered from infidelity, trauma, abuse, narcissism and a shedload of other issues, I turned my life around.
The reason why I am writing a book is because I want to inspire people who are going through their own break-up, separation or divorce. I want to empower people to have the life that they want and deserve and I want to reassure people that life does not stop after the ink on the divorce papers has dried!
The chapter I am writing today is called ‘Erase your Ex’ I talk about the difficulties of this, especially when you can’t get stop thinking about them or you have children together. But, there are things you can do to put your ex to one side and move forward. One of my top tips is when you refer to your ex in conversation, refer to them using their initials only and not their full name. So, you would say “I need to ask ‘P’ when he is going to pick up the children” or “I saw ‘W’ at the supermarket today and she said hello.”
It sounds odd and it will seem unnatural to begin with, but why would you call your ex by their name, if they are not a big part of your life anymore – Don’t give them more importance then they deserve.
Another tip of mine is to ween yourself off talking about what happened and about your ex to whoever will listen. Of course, at the beginning, you will tell people your story, A LOT! but, if your only conversation with your friends, family, colleagues and the person at the supermarket till is about your ex, you have to ask yourself ‘why?’ If your talking about your ex constantly, then they are still taking up lots of headspace and that is not going to help you move on. So, if your talking about your ex ten times a day, then try and only talk about them 8 times and so on until you get to the point that you have not talked about them for days and it doesn’t bother you when they crop up in conversation.
Using techniques like this will help you to move on from your ex and allow you to become you own person instead of being part of a couple.